Going into the season this year, I got a call from #3 Matt Quail. He said he needed to have some work done, shoulder or knee or something.
I didn’t pay much attention.
And then I got this email on Sept 23rd which I thought was hilarious. I also thought he’d join us soon thereafter.
Then I got the another one last week. Again, hilarious. But this one made me start wondering if we should have someone shadow him 24 hours a day. Or maybe he should wear a helmet around the house. And full body armor.
Up until this point, #3 hasn’t had a nickname. I think that’s about to change.
The good news is, (aside from the point that Matt is apparently one of the toughest and funniest Mofo’s amongst us) he’s shooting for a return to the HBHL next week.
On Sep 23, 2014, at 2:46 PM, M Quail <> wrote:
Hopes were running high when I decided to have elbow surgery in August
with thoughts of joining HBHL early in the season. Intent of
procedure was to remove a “razor blade” piece of bone in my elbow that
had become quite painful due to tendons and triceps connecting to the
sliver instead of the ulna. Surgery went fine and I was well on the
road to recovery until…
I fell up the stairs. Yes, “up”. I know this defies the laws of
physics but it actually happened. My right arm was in a cast and I
was carrying my lunch in my left hand so I wasn’t holding the
handrail. Splat. A full-on belly flop with sandwich and chips
strewn throughout the stairwell. I’m having Security pull the
footage so I can send into America’s Funniest Videos.
Wave of pain that surged through my right arm was remarkable. Took
me about 10 minutes to get my head straight before I could focus
enough to make it up to my office. After eating a few bites of my
now dirt covered sandwich, I headed off to the doctor’s office for my
previously scheduled appointment to have my staples removed.
Line of questioning at the doctor’s office was just awesome.
Q: Why did you fall?
A: I don’t know, I guess my foot slipped on the steps
Q: Are you on drugs?
A: Not at this moment and I don’t think I ever fell this hard when I
was on drugs
Q: Do you fall often?
A: Clarify “often”
Q: You just had surgery, did you know you should not have fallen?
A: Good info, thanks
Q: Did someone push you?
A: No. I was at work, not at home
Staple removal wasn’t too bad. Luckily the incision mostly held. but
I required a little work to reclose a small section that split open.
Bigger problem was that I tore the recently reattached triceps
muscle from the bone…a source of tremendous discomfort. Prognosis
was that I added at least 2 weeks to my return to HBHL.
Nurse then cleaned and bandaged my knees (see photo) and left elbow.
Luckily, the medical staff had easy access to my wounds because I tore
my pants and shirt when I fell. I hardly cried as the nurse applied
bacitracin and bandages, and I earned myself a yummy green lollipop.
Follow up visit the next week and news on my surgically repaired elbow
was positive. Triceps was reattaching to the bone (again) and I
would not need another surgery on my right arm.
I then raised the issue of the continued discomfort in my left arm and
right knee. Off to the x-ray machine. Unfortunately, the fall
broke my left ulna and dislocated my right knee cap. Apparently the
pain in my right arm masked the injuries to my other extremities.
I’ve now gone exactly 2 weeks without a catastrophic re event and I’m
feeling pretty good. If everything continues to heal at this rate my
goal is to play on playing October 9. Until then count me out.
Hopefully, I’ll be able to meet up with you at the clubhouse for some
conditioning in advance of my first skate.
Date: October 23, 2014 6:39:22 PM EDT M Quail <> wrote:
This morning my wife and I were admiring the new cabinets we had installed in our kitchen. To my dismay, I noticed a water droplet coming off one of the wood beams into the new cabinets. Climbed up on a chair, and sure enough a nice little puddle was forming thanks to hurricane whatever the fuck this week has been.
I guess it was time to clear the gutters. Luckily my house is pretty small. So after an hour or so the gutters were all flowing.
Back inside for a shower to warm up and change into some dry clothes. Unfortunately, the water was still dripping on the cabinets.
So, I grabbed the ladder went up to the problem area of the roof with some sealant. Even to the person that knows jack about roofing, some of the tiles looked to be installed rather amateurish. After some hack repairing, I headed back down the ladder to see if I stemmed the inflow of water.
Once I had both feet on the ladder rungs an amazing principal in the physics of friction took place. While the rubber feet of the ladder may work well in holding the ladder in place in dirt, they do absolutely no good on a deck. The ladder bottom slid away from the house at an amazing speed and I proceeded to engage in another aspect of physics – gravity.
I made a feeble attempt to grab onto the gutter on my way down, but surprisingly molded aluminum will not slow the descent of 195 pounds of honey badger. Only part of hitting the deck I really remember is the thump I took on the back of my head. This was third experiment with physics – a body in motion will remain in motion until acted upon in an equal and opposite force.
After a few hours at Lawrence Hospital, the prognosis is actually not that bad considering the distance I fell. I tore up my surgically repaired arm….AGAIN!!!!. Damn thing is the size of grapefruit again. And I now have a nice set of staples in the back of my head. Also have a moderate concussion. And, finally, I tore up another pair of pants.
Good think I was wearing clean underwear.
***END OF EMAIL***
And that concludes this edition of Matt Quails offseason accidents.
Let the nicknames begin. I’ll go first.
Oh Yeah, this is what Magoo looks like right now.
This is before they wrapped him up.